Nowhere, Fast

You’re forty years old
if you haven’t accomplished something by now
you probably won’t ever
if your husband dies now
you’d flounder in the water
if you died now
your mother-in-law
would do a fine job taking over
better in fact
she makes pies
you never should have had that breakdown in college
or after the babies were born
your daughter is right
all you have are Facebook friends
this house
these floors
this neighborhood
this lawn
is like some magical flower
that bloomed
in spite of your bad—everything
everything. Bad
you won’t write anything good
that’s for sure
and even if you do
it won’t sell well

your fault
too many hours in a daze
too much overthinking
not enough deep thinking
not enough education
not enough real-life experience
not enough reading
who are you kidding
when was the last time you were able to focus
through a new article
that’s your husband’s territory
the logical everything in its place
the greased cogs  the solid black lines
the
make your bed in the morning
husband
the nobody will ever want to read what you write
husband
the
if it was so bad why are you writing about it?
husband
the sturdy hull
that
keeps me from sinking
husband
he’s right
you shouldn’t get so offended when he
says you should start a laundry service
something that people actually need
you’re forty
if you haven’t accomplished something by now
you won’t ever
get in the boat of practicality
let the strong engine
carry you forward

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Jenica Lodde is a human much of the time. Other times she is a bank of fog clawing her way across an ocean of dreams. Her poems have appeared in: io, River and South Review, Third Wednesday, Gravel, The Scop, Windows Facing Windows, Word Fountain, and others. Her chapbook, Emotional States, was published by Finishing Line Press (2020). When not writing, Jenica is daydreaming about repurposing all of her juice bottles and milk jugs into a supremely satisfying and useful work of perfection. Instagram and Twitter: @JenicaLodde.