the convert discovers joy

the church had a slogan for it: JOY, meaning
that one tried to please Jesus first, then Others,
and only if there was time left over Yourself

later, after i had given up, i called the mothers’
group that met in the rectory basement
the Martyrdom Olympics if i mentioned

i’d been sick every other mother had been sicker
and while deathly ill also had driven one hundred
fifty miles for sports drop-off and iced three

classrooms’ worth of cupcakes on the way
when they asked how many children i had
their response always was the same—“only

two?” not just because it suggested I was using
birth control but also because it meant i wasn’t
suffering enough one of the expressions everyone

repeated was “offer it up” meaning give your suffering
to God and one time i made the room fall silent when
i blurted out “but why would He want it?”

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Doritt Carroll is a native of Washington, DC. Doritt is the winner of Harbor Review’s 2020 Laura Lee Washburn prize for her chapbook, A Meditation on Purgatory. Her poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Main Street Rag and RHINO, among others. Her collection, GLTTL STP, was published by Brickhouse Books. Her chapbook, Sorry You Are Not An Instant Winner, was published by Kattywompus (2017). She has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize.